[on wednesdays we wear pink. and by wednesdays i mean… every day]
you know, i was doing a little reflecting just recently! most specifically about the fact that it was two years ago around this time that i hit a place in life that had me kinda wondering where my life was going. i mean, i was happily married, with a cozy house, two fluffies, and my family nearby, so i had the basics covered! but… what else was out there for me, you know? the early 20s, they are such a transitiony place to be in, right?
i’ve always known that i wanted babies and to be a stay at home mom one day. it’s something steven and i discussed since we were 16 and 17, and that always felt like more of a priority to me than diving head first into a standard career path that i would inevitably feel torn about once we started having babies! and i’m glad i stuck with that. but figuring out the what-to-do-between-graduating-and-babies was a little frustrating at times. especially since i wasn’t sure when the babies part would be.
so, this time two years ago, a lot of life stuff just hit me. something that i had most recently been putting a lot of my time and effort into for someone else had just completely fallen apart, and oh, there i was, not far from turning 25, which seemed in my head the age of a person who knew what path they were on… so, i just needed to know. what path was i, brittany p. scioscia bishop going to officially be on?
[now that i think about it, though, i don’t know that i’ve ever really been a one path girl, to be honest. i think i’d rather have a few favorite trails.]
so, on this one afternoon in particular, i remember, i kind of just crumbled. bleh. i crumbled and i cried. i cried as steven hugged me on the couch and tried to reassure me. he was so sweet, but he couldn’t have really understood. he is MISTER path. he gets on a path and owns that path, and it’s his path, man. he came out of college with a career and that was that. which is something i really love and admire about him!
but i was feeling a bit lost. i told him being a grownup was too hard and i just didn’t wanna do it. because, hello? it is really hard sometimes! then, i guess i just needed to clear my head a bit, so i got in my car and drove off to be by myself… obviously stopping by starbucks on the way to the park. to sit. i never do that, by the way. normally i go straight to my horse in times of emotional crisis, but i knew if my mom saw my car pull up at the barn and me head straight out to casey, she’d know i was sad and she’d worry. so, i went and sat at the park. and i was sad. and i was angry, a little. but sometimes you just have to let off steam like that.
i don’t even know how many times i prayed about my frustration right around that time, but within just a matter of weeks, all my frustrations and prayers finally pushed me to do something i’d thought about doing for a while, and i started up my little etsy shop and began to sell some of my paintings online and off. that was big for me!! so big. it’s tough to be vulnerable like that, but i did it! and it was a really good thing for my sense of capability, i think. and it was fun!! ms. sarah was my very first sale 🙂 i was so flattered! you see, painting is one of my trails.
so, then november came, bringing with it my age 25, and thanks to my frustrated leap, i was having fun with my art, and i felt like i was finally moving in the right direction, finally working at something because it was mine. i really believe things happen for the right reasons when we are prayerful about what we’re doing, and hey, i was starting to actually see some of those reasons! that was super. and then, the best reason ever happened. hello, maddalena!!
two years down the road, she is soo my favorite reason. and God’s timing. once again. flawless. why do i ever question? i am so thankful for a bigger plan, a better perspective. and you know what else i’m thankful for? feeling okay with doing my own thing, regardless of what works for other people. i know what works for me, and things always turn out better when i stick with that. i am totally okay with being my own person.
all this to say, it’s just pretty amazing to me how much things change and how far life can come in just two years. maddalena is so much of what i was missing when i just couldn’t get things figured out for myself, but the baby journey didn’t need to start until i’d learned a necessary thing or two first. all the things that go down in life, good or bad, they sure do get you to where you are, don’t they? that’s just crazy, crazy life. and oooh, i’m glad to be where i am now in so many ways!
and my paintings! oh, i hope to get back to those soon. i will, and i can’t wait.
[…aaand end reflections!]
I love this, brittany. Being 23 and almost done with college I can so relate. Early twenties can be so tough! I'm so happy that everything fell into place for you and I'm so happy that one of those things was the precious baby M.
aw you are smack in the middle of it!! i know you'll come out shining 🙂 but what a beautiful time it can be, too!! 23!
totally been there. on that bench a time or twenty. something about your early twenties though, right? you gotta go through it. not a path kinda girl myself, i'm into the "favorite trails" you describe too.
anyway, perfect post! and i am SO proud I was your first patron. can't wait till you get to painting again so i can snatch some more up (:
xxxooo
i am so glad you relate, too!! and oh, you are totally a favorite trails girl! i love it ;* thanks love!!
after reading this post, i was much comforted by it and seeing that someone else, was bascially having the same unsureness and I felt as if i am wandering on many different paths too. Mama always said to pray about it and I am finally starting to believe that!
This was an unexpected suprise to be comforted- THANKS!
aww that makes my day! you are so soooo not alone!! it's hard to choose a "path" and we feel like we are supposed to have one picked out so early in life! mama knows best, say your prayers, God is good!!
omgosh i have been in that exact same place so many times. still in it some days now! i feel comforted to know that i'm not the only one to experience this around my age pheww 🙂 i want to be a stay at home mum in the future too. that is so important to me. but i also want a career…it's hard trying to weave it all together. but it's something i will work on for the rest of my life im guessing. and im happy with that 🙂 the life of young women haha!
but more importantly………….you are SO SO talented! your paitings gave me goosebumps, i cannot believe i had never seen them before. when you get back up and running, i will be buying one of your pieces straight away! seriously. i am in love!!!!!!!!!!
perfect post 🙂 you and maddalena are just perfection <3 xxx
ohh, you are so not the only, and it's comforting to me, too, to see that i'm not the only!! and the career thing will totally work out for your and mommyhood one day! i just didn't want a standard corporate path, i wanted to use my creativity somehow in a way i could do before kids and as a mom and when my babes get older! because we all want to do something that's "us," mom or not, right!
oh and thaaaank you so much on the paintings, gosh, you are too too sweet!!!
goodness gracious i think we've all been there. wondering what in the world am i doing with my life? do i matter? am i making a difference? where oh where is this "path" taking me? and i totally agree with the multiple trails you described. i'm there all the way.
but oh then things come full circle and God is all smiling down on us saying, "see, i told u u could trust me." he's so good!
and your paintings are amaze. i saw a cross one somewhere on this here blog and would loooooooooove to purchase it when u are back in action! its the white one! i want i want!
so many questions, but yesss God is so good, and how many times do i have to learn that lesson in trust?! and oh my goodness thank you for the sweet words about my paintings! i need to get back on it as soon as i can get myself there!!
Those pink leggings are cute.
well thanks!
This is exactly what I needed to read. I'm currently in that transition phase – except I'm in the last year of my 20's! Life is hard and being a grown up really IS scary! So you can take comfort in knowing that we are all just going. through. it.
But you have done it and it's encouraging for me. I'm also not sure that I want to be on a "typical path", but what is a typical path in the first place? Ya know? 🙂
Anyway, I could ramble on but I won't. Thanks for the post and yes, keep painting. 🙂
♥
aw thanks for this comment!! i feel like nobody warns us how hard the 20s are! but the whole finding yourself business… gets pretty real! ooh, we're all just doing our best, aren't we 🙂 best of luck with your transition, girly!
I started writing this comment and it was getting too long, so I'll keep it short. I think we've all been there. I think it's great you're talking about it. We all tend to focus on the good aspects of life on our blogs, but it's nice to hear that other people have also felt lost. Before I decided to start my own biz, I was a newlywed, living in a foreign country, unable to find a job in my field. It was very hard transitioning and I've told my husband many times that I suck at being a grown-up. But we'll get there eventually and that's the beauty of life. Everything at its own time 🙂
PS: those leggings are so cute!!
thanks for this, girly! i'm glad i'm not the only one who feels like adulthood isn't their thing 😉 it's hard!!
Seriously feel like you just picked through my thoughts and blogged it! You could not have wrote this at a more perfect time. Unfortunately, I am going through that funky time right now. Growing up, when someone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I always said a wife and mother. I've never wanted a big fancy career. I've always felt being a Mother is the highest and most fulfilling calling in the world. We don't have children yet, so I'm kind of in that "who am I and what am I going to do with my life" mindset. And gosh is it tough! I am totally a "favorite trails" girl, also! I find a lot of people don't understand this "need to be a stay at home mom" mindset.It's hard not to feel insecure when people talk about their big career dreams, when I'm in the corner like hey! I just wanna be a Mama! I'm so glad to find there are other people (like yourself) that understand!