[taking a few shots from her stroller – which she is obsessed with, by the way – on our walk last week!]
so, there’s this crazy little bit about motherhood, i’ve discovered… where you have a baby, right? and then you’re just kiiind of thrown into this heartbreakingly wonderful fast slow time vacuum. your baby’s a newborn, but no your baby’s two! the sun comes up, but wait, it’s going down again! it’s monday but it’s saturday!? but how and where and when and i don’t know! i don’t even care. because it’s fun and it’s meaningful and it’s brilliant and i love it, i just love it so much.
and the heartbreaking part! gosh, so many things now are just heartbreaking in the silliest of ways… and i keep wondering why! why heartbreaking? then of course, i continue to find myself delightfully shattered over so many things. like, watching maddalena lately with her new camera, “camey,” as she calls it… i tell you, my heart is in pieces every single time! i figure, maybe it’s because… she doesn’t know that she’s being cute? she’s just going about her life, doing exactly what she knows to be normal… taking photos of things she’s admiring… putting her “cossee” in the microwave of her little kitchen to “heat! up!”… deciding to carry a big pink gift sack as a purse, because hilariously, it does look just like my huge bag. and oh, she takes the things she works at very seriously… so, watching her little tiny self so adorably hard at work? gosh, it kills me in the very best way!
so then, we’re in the grocery store this one afternoon recently, and as i’m turned away from her searching for laundry detergent, she’s, for some reason, saying to herself, “ooh, cap! ooh, cap! ooh, cap!” she dropped something, i think, and it takes me a minute to realize that what she’s saying is, “ooh, crap!” and that i hadn’t even said it for her to be directly mimicking… and while part of me thought it was hilarious and adorable [i’m only human! and it totally was!] the other part of me just thought… “ooh… crap.” because in this time vacuum, is she going to be 16 soon??? i am just so not ready for that. i’m not! i’m really not! and even though it sounds ridiculously silly, because hello! she’s two years old! well, i worry about it. i worry that time will go too fast. because that’s what time does, isn’t it? time will make you think that it’s dragging on, when actually it’s flying…
i used to have a plan all the time, you know? i used to need things to be figured out. i used to know what i wanted and when i wanted it by. but now? well, lots of that stuff happened. some of it changed. plenty of it timed out. and now i’m in the vacuum. with my people. taking photos, heating my coffee, and carrying a super large bag. 🙂 it’s crazy in here, but hey! i like it! jump on in, guys, the water’s fiiiine!
Oh my how very strange this vacuum is! I was just digging through storage for swaddles for my niece to borrow and started crying because all the tiny little girl baby clothes smelled like Dreft which to me smells like my baby Letty. And it's been four years and it's also been a blink of an eye and I'm pregnant and it happens.
The camera thig is soooo adorable. As is everything she does. Oh crap included. 😉
Time flies and I don't even have a little babe [yet]… Let's slow life down! I can't wait for these sweet moments when I enter mommy hood 🙂
This totally struck a cord with me this morning. I am half way through my first pregnancy and already terrified of my baby (who I just learned yesterday is a BOY!!!) growing up. I cannot wait to meet him and smell him and snuggle him, and then hear his little voice and see him learn and grow and walk and talk. But I already know I will want to freeze time and keep him little always.
On another note, I watched the first episode of Outlander on On Demand last night- and it is going to be amazing!
Oh man, this post is just nail on the head. We're on the crazy time vacuum train over here too! Abigail is going to be FOUR this year. FOUR FOUR FOUR. How?!
PS, what camera is that for M? I think Abigail would love to have a little camera of her own….she keeps stealing my phone to take pictures 😉
so much truth in this post, I've always been aware that "it goes by so fast" and that I should "cherish every moment" but no matter how much I feel like I am in the moment.. it goes by and I'm like "wait!! come back time!". I think mothers know better than anyone else about time, we truly are the keepers of it.