hey! wanna move houses? did you and your husband semi-spontaneously put an offer in on a house for the second time and then actually get the house? need to think about selling yours now just maybe maybe? well then, please! follow right this way! because if you’re crazy enough, this step by step should be reeeal simple-like!
step 1: weed out entire house!! unless you truly love it, get rid of it aaall… this means even breaking up with zac efron, who has been hiding out in your closet for 5 years. [guess it wasn’t true love!] anything else that’s in the way of house-selling zen… load it up and move it out! to the farm! [ha, you’re welcome, mom & dad.] and don’t forget…
…the cat. oh, soph! i’m so sorry! i’m sorry that you’re 7 and in this new life transition to barn kitty, but this is your calling and you can do it!!! you can do it. i have faith in you, but ps. please stop peepeeing in the barn.
step 2: clean. like. a. mad. woman. oh. my. gosh. clean as your husband fixes up the fixy things and touches up wall paint. clean so much that the end result makes you want to buy your own house all over again! then reward yourself with a spoonful of peanut butter and chocolate chips because you are royalty and you are amazing and these are the kind of pep talks that will carry you through!
step 3: you haven’t taken on enough! you haven’t! send your mom out to the antique shop to fetch the fixer-upper china cabinet of your dreamlands! bring on the projects. and spoiler alert: this isn’t a dark wood cabinet. no. it’s just slathered in 1,000 layers of dark brown wax. and that green paint, oh my eyes! don’t worry, little cabinet, i will save you from your past! <3
step 4: enter. paint. purgatory. paint samples. fabric swatches. tantrums all around…
…do not stop thinking about paint or looking at it with your eyeballs in every lighting and furniture scenario you can come up with…
…and once your color choices fit perfectly into all your happy places and you can sleep again at night without waking up periodically and scouring pinterest even if your 3 month old is still sleeping soundly, then YOU’VE GOT IT!! hurry, move on to step 5!
step 5: your house sold! but even if it didn’t, you’re still moving because you went on and bought a new house, remember? time to start dismantling the last 5 years of your life! off the walls! off the shelves! also, notice that you really like old things and things that are pretend-old…
step 6: into the boxes all the things shall go!! there’s no turning back now…
…tiiiime to start packing!
hahaha i cracked my way up through this post. love the new housey- and you'll love being closer to the farm. annnnnd paint – why is it so dang hard!
This is too funny but so true! And Sophie! I'm sure she'll love to learn barn life 🙂 Are allergies the reason? I need an antique store like this by me!
nooo no allergies here! it's because she peepees inside! 🙁 i miss her being with us but not the surprise pee spots!
I bet! Poor Sophie, at least barn life is pretty awesome 🙂
Lol. Love it.
Oh. So hey. We sold our house.
WHAT
ahhhh congratulations!!! that is awesome!!! hopefully everything goes smoothly for you guys!! you handle everything like a champ, i feel like, so i am sure it will be great!
so excited for your fam bam! Cant wait to see pics of the new housey!
Oh my goodness. Hysterical! I do not envy you with this process but I have faith! It'll be such a good thing once all the icky part is behind you. And I can't wait to see what you do with the place! You've got style lady!!